When you’re a kid, Christmas is easily the best holiday — the gifts, Santa Claus, the … well, the gifts and the Santa Claus, really.
But when you grow older, Thanksgiving usually overtakes Christmas as your favorite holiday because of the generally more adult nature of the day: the food, the football, the beer, the gambling, etc. And one of the biggest parts of being an adult on Thanksgiving is, well, getting high with your cousins and siblings before the epic one-a-year dinner.
Luckily, with the invention of weed pens, wax pens, oil pens, CBD pens (does anyone know the difference, honestly?), the task of getting nice and toasty before the epic Thanksgiving eats has become a whole lot easier.
However, just because it’s become easier to do does not mean that it’s become any more acceptable in your family, meaning a good excuse can go a long way in making your path to getting baked easier.
But what exactly can you say to your family without getting caught in a lie? We got you covered.
I’m Going To Get More Wine/Beer At The Liquor Store
At most Thanksgiving Day celebrations, there is alcohol (no shade if you don’t, to each their own), and usually, at those celebrations, the alcohol may run out a little sooner than you should, which bring up to excuse #1: going to the liquor store.
Yes, you’ll have to grab a bottle of wine or a 24-pack of beer, but the excuse is foolproof as the evidence shows you were exactly where you said you were. All you gotta do is get a little baked after parking the car upon your return.
I’m Going To Take A Nap
Any Thanksgiving Day veteran knows that a nap is NECESSARY during some point of the day, so this one isn’t so much of an excuse as it is a meditation on timing and execution.
What I’d suggest here is going to take a “nap” an hour or so before dinner time, and upon waking up (if you even do choose to nod off) rip the pen a couple times and you’ll be primed and ready to go right before dinner.
I Don’t Feel So Good
The worst of the excuses, the “I don’t feel so good” technique should only be used in dire situations, as it excludes you from the rest of your friends/family. The way this one works is you say “I don’t feel so good, I’m going to go get some fresh air.” You go out, take a little stroll, and when you come back you’re magically feeling better.