In case you couldn’t figure it out for yourself, Pharrell Williams’ “Happy”–the drool-along theme to Despicable Me 2–was the most-played song of 2014. In fact, “Happy” dominated radio airtime with 570,000 broadcast plays to penetrate an audience of 3.3 billion listeners. That’s a billion, people. From there, the song’s global conquest only became more serious.
We did not listen to “Happy” that much. We went out of our way to find happy songs that put us in a happy place where no one was listening to “Happy.” Here are the offbeat pop tunes that we turned to keep Pharrell at bay throughout 2014–because it’s not like the guy was hanging out with Emily Ratajkowski this year. So check out 14 songs that made us happier than “Happy” in 2014….
“Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Swede (1974)
Peak Chart Position: #1 Yeah, it’s the one that’s newly revived by Guardians of the Galaxy–with the Viking-pop provocateurs in Blue Swede bulking up B.J. Thomas’s 1968 hit with an “hoogah-chaka” chant and irresistible grunt-along weirdness.
“My Ding-A-Ling” by Chuck Berry (1972)
Peak Chart Position: #1 Rock-and-roll’s first guitar god scored exactly one #1 hit in his career, and it’s double-entendre novelty that makes references to a jingling toy come off like Chuck’s singing about his own anatomic co-star in one of the first celebrity sex tapes.
“Monster Mash” by Bobby “Boris” Pickett (1962)
Peak Chart Position: #1 The Halloween perennial actually topped the charts twice: once on first impact in 1962 and again a decade later, when 1972 trick-or-treaters cashed in their goodie bag pennies to buy 45s.
“Stars on 45” by Stars on 45 (1982)
Peak Chart Position: #1 MTV seemed to annihilate attention spans instantly upon its 1981 debut, as the following year produced numerous “medley” songs consisting of bits of previous hits connected over a proto-EDM drum-machine beat. The biggest was this odd mashup of Beatles tunes that drops in “Sugar Sugar” by the Archies and calls out the UK-only hit “Beat the Clock” by Sparks.
“They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!” by Napoleon XIV (1966)
Peak Chart Position: #3 Napoleon XVI’s rant over of pounding snare drum and tambourine, broken up by a chorus that’s accompanied by ambulance sirens, really sounds like the genuine madness of a post-breakup meltdown. The twist ending is hilarious, but unamused mental health professionals successfully had the song pulled from radio over charges it mocked genuine nutcases.
“Mr. Jaws” by Dickie Goodman (1975)
Peak Chart Position: #4 Radio cut-up Dickie Goodman had had novelty hits since the 1950s when he landed his biggest fish, an interview with shark from Jaws in which the answers come in the form of clips from other popular songs. For example: Dickie asking, “Mr. Jaws, what did you think when you took that first bite?” is followed by a soundbite of James Taylor singing, “How sweet it is!”
“Take Off” by Bob and Doug Mackenzie (1981)
Peak Chart Position: #8 The classic sketch comedy series SCTV spoofed its legally required Canadian content by casting Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis as the Mackenzie brothers, archetypal “hosers” who sort of functioned as the Canuck Beavis and Butt-head. Their surprise hit album generated this rock radio staple that features their countryman Geddy Lee of Rush wailing on the chorus, “Take off–to the Great White North!”
“Hocus Pocus” by Focus (1972)
Peak Chart Position: #9 A full-on freak-out of manic rock explosiveness that dips into yodeling, Cousin-Itt-style squeaky babble, clap-along whistling, and repeated bouts of the mightiest riffs and licks to ever burn down pop radio.
“Tubular Bells” by Mike Oldfield (1974)
Peak Chart Position: #11 “Happy” is the theme from Despicable Me 2. “Tubular Bells” is the theme from The Exorcist. If we were ever going to write “Nuff said!,” then this would be the occasion.
“Valley Girl” by Frank and Moon Zappa (1982)
Peak Chart Position: #12 Visionary crackpot Frank Zappa’s long pop smash consists of a brontosaurus-sized bassline and booming chorus that’s broken up by fourteen-year-old daughter Moon Unit Zappa free-form ripping in the “Valspeak” of her airhead SoCal galpals.
“Shaddap You Face” by Joe Dolce
Peak Chart Position: #53 (but #1 worldwide) A chart-topper in countries all over the globe and a longtime favorite of U.S. morning zoo teams, Ohio native Joe Dolce moved to Australia and became a superstar by singing in the style of the pizza chef from The Simpsons about his Italian mama’s favorite bit of advice: “Shaddap you face!”
“The Ballad of the Green Berets” by SSgt Barry Sadler (1966)
Peak Chart Position: #1 A straightforward tribute to “fighting men, who jump and die,” which blitzed the pop charts with pure macho patriotism on the cusp of the Age of Aquarius.
“Disco Duck” by Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots (1976)
Peak Chart Position: #1 L.A.’s premiere wacky morning radio DJ spoofed the dance fad of the day with a Donald Duck voice and the ability to cleanly rhyme something with “cluck.” That’s better than happiness being a warm gun.
“In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans (1969)
Peak Chart Position: #1 A hyper-dramatic sci-fi gaze into a weird future by a one-hit wonder combo who did not have a future of their own–which is still sufficient to make us happier than “Happy.”
