Just in case you hadn’t noticed, the holiday-di-tutti-holidays looms immediately upon us. Yes, Christmas is here–and that’s good and bad and magical and horrible. The holiday is all things to all people. Above all, however, Christmas is inescapable.
And yet we’re still mixing our Christmas celebrations with some healthy holiday distractions from last-minute shopping, up-all-night-prepping, and round-the-clock family intensity. There’s plenty to help everyone through this week. Keep sane with sporting events, TV specials, and other modes of beating merry-making overload. Check out the 12 ways to celebrate (or avoid) Christmas in a very cool fashion…
Broncos at Bengals
(December 22)
The 11-3 Broncos charge into Cincinnati against the 9-4-1 Bengals. At stake for Denver is a crack at landing top seed in the AFC, which would give them home field advantage throughout the post-season, while the Bengals are after an AFC Wild Card berth. Stakes are high, playing will be hard and heavy.
Anger Management ends on FX
(December 22)
Anger Management, the Charlie Sheen sitcom that arose from his supremely public post-Two and a Half Men “tiger blood” freak-out comes to a close Monday night after two seasons. That might sound like an unsuccessful run, but consider that Anger Management has produced 98 episodes since 2012. That’s normally about five years’ worth of shows. Perhaps there really was something to all that “Vatican assassin” talk.
Movie Mash-Up: Miracle on 34th Street(s)
(December 22)
AMC kicks off this year’s holiday favorites-on-repeat tradition with back-to-back showings of the original 1947 Miracle on 34th Street and its 1994 namesake remake all day and night. It’s followed on Tuesday by a Movie Mash-Up of Home Alone 2 and The Santa Clause 2.
Canadiens at Islanders
(December 23)
The first-place, 21-11 Canadiens travel to take on the biggest surprise of the NHL season so far, the 23-10 Islanders. Some naysayers doubt that New York’s normally down-and-out suburban squad can keep their current momentum going, so their opportunity here to battle what is presently the best team in hockey already has an air of make-or-break significance to it.
Daft Punk – Alive 1997 and Alive 2007
(December 23)
EDM’s supreme sci-fi-costumed superstars are reissuing their two classic albums on four colored-vinyl LPs in a single box set. Also included are digital downloads, a 52-page full-color book, and a replica VIP backstage pass. Everybody do the robot!
Black Christmas (1974)/Christmas Evil (1980) at the New Beverly
(December 23)
Quentin Tarantino’s Los Angeles revival theater the New Beverly Cinema presents “A Grindhouse Christmas” with a double feature of these two holiday horror hair-raisers. Black Christmas (1974) is a terrifying proto-slasher flick set in a sorority house on Christmas Eve, and it’s made all the more freaky once you realize it was directed by Bob Clark, who also made A Christmas Story (as well as Porky’s). Christmas Evil (1980) is psycho-on-the-loose lunacy at its most enjoyably insane. In fact, John Waters has long championed Christmas Evil as his favorite holiday film
Skidoo on Blu-ray
(December 23)
Skidoo, the single most insane motion picture ever made finally makes it to Blu-ray. You don’t have to be a fan or even remotely familiar with old Hollywood to be entertainingly dumbstruck by this all-star 1968 LSD musical disaster. You don’t even have to be stoned—because you’ll feel like you are no matter what. Just imagine Jackie Gleason tripping on acid in prison, Carol Channing stripping out of George Washington costume while singing the title song, and Groucho Marx ruling over all things as a gangster named God. You don’t have to imagine that, though; just see Skidoo.
Christmas With the Duke on AMC
(December 24)
John Wayne takes over AMC on Christmas Eve and he’s staying put for well into the next night. It begins with the classic Big Jake at 6pm, followed by Rio Bravo; Cahill, US Marshall; Chisum; The Horse Soldiers; The Quiet Man; The Cowboys; True Grit; The Sons of Katie Elder; and the Duke’s all-time masterwork, The Searchers. Worth noting: there’s a half-hour break at 4:30am for a Three Stooges short.
A Christmas Story marathon
(starting December 24)
TBS launches its annual 24-hour marathon of the 1983 coming-of-age nostalgia classic at 8pm. Adapted from stories told by legendary radio monologist Jean Shepard (who narrates), A Christmas Story chronicles the heroic quest of young Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) to acquire a Red Rider BB gun under the tree in 1940s Indiana. It is relentlessly charming and best enjoyed with Chinese turkey.
Mythbusters Mega-Marathon
(starting December 24)
Mythbusters fans can tune into the Science Channel at 6am on Christmas Eve to enjoy 220 consecutive episodes of the beloved series over the course of the next ten days straight,. That wraps things up on January 2, 2015. FXX’s “Every. Simpsons. Ever.” event still holds the record for TV’s longest marathon at twelve days straight. A week-and-a-half of uninterrupted Jamie and Adam is still the stuff of myth itself.
Doctor Who Christmas Special
(December 25)
BBC America presents the perfect treat for season’s geeklings with this year’s Doctor Who Christmas Special. Avoiding spoilers has proven challenging for fans, so look away now if you don’t want to know that Father Christmas himself turns up and Dream Crabs are cosmically integral to the holiday goings-on.
NBA Christmas Day
(December 25)
After you’ve opened your presents and silently plotted tomorrow’s returns and exchange strategies, settle in among the crumpled wrapping paper with an entire afternoon and evening of pro basketball to ease you toward Boxing Day. Action tips off at 12 noon EST with the Wizards at Knicks, followed by Thunder at Spurs, Cavaliers at Heat, Lakers at Bulls, and–at the late start time of 10:30 pm–Warriors at Clippers.
