Superstar rocker Paul Stanley is best known as the lead singer, rhythm guitarist, and anti-laser-pointer activist of KISS. Back in 2000, however, Stanley attempted to add supermarket coffee pitchman to his storied body of work by belting out an original anthem for a circus-themed Folger’s commercial.
The ad never aired, but the internet has finally gotten a copy. Folger’s has never had so much free publicity, and Stanley–a man proudly associated with KISS coffins and KISS condoms–has never looked so lovably mercenary. Clad in a collarless button-up white shirt and clutching a hot mug as his black mane is frozen motionless in full Tommy Wiseau coif, the erstwhile Starchild steps into a big top tent and serenades trapeze artists…
This is your wake-up call
Time to reach, go for it all
Folger’s stirs inside of me
And I know what I can be
The limit is the sky
Hey, world–watch me…fly!
Stanley ends the ad with an especially enthusiastic spin on Folger’s “best part of waking up” jingle, followed by an abracadabra maneuver that feels appropriately pulled from the Vegas illusionist vibe he gives off the whole time. We’re not spoiling anything. Words cannot do this justice.
No official reason has surfaced as to why the commercial never aired, but just look at it. The best part of waking up today will be watching and re-watching this fantastically terrible (and terribly fantastic) advertising debacle…