Every year, fans clamor for the day when every single team is announced that will participate in the highly anticipated event that is March Madness. However, while the aforementioned statement may be the top priority for college basketball fanatics, there is also another conundrum for tournament participants to consider before the glorious festivities commence: what should the name of their bracket be? While the internet is saturated with a plethora of suggestions, there are actually only a select few that are worthy of being your chosen bracket name. If you wish to befuddle your opponent before they even view your final picks on your bracket, look no further than these hilarious monikers that will distinguish your bracket from the rest of the dull pack.
10. Full Metal Bracket
Full metal jacket. Shutterstock.
Whether or not you’re a Stanley Kubrick fan is irrelevant. If you only have a loose understanding of what the movie Full Metal Jacket is about, you’re well within your rights to utilize this particular bracket name to strike fear into your eventual opponents within your bracket pool.
9. March Sadness
Sad man. Shutterstock
Although it may be unoriginal, there is hardly a more apropos utterance than “March sadness”. Evey year, brackets become busted quicker than many participants would like and, as a result, the once highly anticipated postseason affair devolves into something much more depressing and frustrating.
8. March Mad Men
LOS ANGELES, CA – SEPTEMBER 20: Actor Jon Hamm, winner of Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series for ‘Mad Men’, poses in the press room at the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)
If you want to feel like a suave badass before your bracket becomes inevitably busted within the first weekend of March Madness, look no further than this simple yet intimidating alliteration. While you may never swoon the ladies with your college basketball knowledge, at least you can create the illusion of being a well put together sports guru if only for a moment.
7. Wake me up when Duke losses
Duke Blue Devils. Shutterstock
Ah yes, the obligatory trolling of the Duke Blue Devils. Although North Carolina fans will undoubtedly relish using this name the most, anyone who watches college basketball regularly is all too familiar with the hatred and resentment that surrounds this program.
6. When I Think About You I Touch Bill Self
Bill Self, Shutterstock
Nothing personal Bill, but this name is just the type of raunchy announcement that fans need to amuse themselves once their brackets become decimated during March Madness. Look, I’m sure Bill is a nice enough guy, but his unfortunate last name is simply too good not to use for a top-tier bracket name.
5. One Man Wolfpack
Wolf pack. Shutterstock
As contradictory as it is amusing, this name actually speaks the truth when it comes to participating in March Madness. Once you finally submit a bracket, it’s you against the world, for better or for worse.
4. iPick Pretty Jerseys
jerseys. COED.com
Honestly, you may be better off following the advice of this particular name rather than attempting to over analyze each team that makes the tournament. It happens every year; someone that has never watched a game of college basketball utilizes this ridiculous method and, sadly, usually ends up beating you.
3. Breaking Cardinal Rules
Rick Pitino. Shutterstock
Too soon? Sorry Louisville fans, but your program has been marred by one ridiculous scandal after another, which has unsurprisingly left the door open for fans to poke fun at your team’s transgressions.
2. Bill Walton Smells Color
Bill Walton. Shutterstock.
For anyone who has ever listened to Bill Walton’s eccentric yet charming commentary, you understand how perfect this name is for your bracket. He may be a Pac-12 homer, but at least he brings a trippy and unique presence to a game that takes itself way too seriously at times.
1. 50 Shades of Grayson Allen
Grayson Allen. COED.com
Although Grayson Allen has been surprisingly tame in terms of his on the court antics this season, his reputation as a dastardly competitor will live on forever. His adeptness at pulling off the subtle trip has earned Allen this name multiple times over and will certainly delight your fellow March Madness participants should you decide to use it.