United Airlines … woah. These guys. Theeeese f*cking guys. Ever since they dragged that quiet little Asian guy with the ankle-size name off that flight about a year ago, they’ve done nothing but churn out PR disaster after disaster. “Many people” are saying they are a slaughterhouse of PR disasters. They make Lindsey Lohan look like an investable company. And after all the Asian dude-dragging, scorpion-surprising, pissing-in-cups they’ve done over the last year, this is easily the worst PR they’ve had yet.
Look, when it comes to airline companies, you can assault me and my Chinese grandpa, you can have a scorpion pop out of the overhead and onto my sister’s lap, you can make me piss in a cup (wouldn’t be the first time), but what you can’t do is have me pondering what I’m going to name my pet volleyball when I arrive on the deserted island. And if you do, you bet you ass I’m having a cigarette in the bathroom.
And before you’re like, “Well Eric, what if this is on a flight from like Tunisia to Kazakhstan? You can’t expect them to have the latest and greatest models and employees out there”, I say to you, “Well this was on a flight from San Fransisco to Hawaii!Holy shit right?”
Let me tell you something y’all may not know about me: I’m not aviation logistics expert. But –but! — I have to imagine SFO-to-HNL is a popular f*cking flight, which would lead you to believe they’d be on their A-game. But nope, this is United we’re talking about.
Passengers on a United Airlines plane survived a truly terrifying ordeal after they were ordered to “brace for impact” when part of one of the aircraft’s engines flew off mid-flight over the Pacific Ocean.
Video and images shared by passengers on social media show one of the plane’s engine’s visibly damaged after the motor’s cowling—or covering—reportedly flew off during the Hawaii-bound flight from San Francisco.
The flight crew declared an emergency, telling passengers to “brace for impact” in case of a rough landing, according to The Telegraph. A spokesperson for United Airlines told Newsweek the airline plans to issue full refunds to all passengers on the flight. They said the aircraft “landed safely after the pilots called for an emergency landing because of an issue with the #2 engine.”
While a spokesperson for United said they are currently refunding everyone’s flights, I truthfully don’t think that’s enough. This is one of those experiences that can turn flying into a legitimate fear, and do you know how hard life becomes when you’re too afraid to fly. John Madden had to bus hit fat ass all over the country every week for Sunday Night Football because he didn’t want to get on a plane. If I’m a customer, I’m finding a lawyer who’s willing to try and win me free flights for life. Oh and also an endless supply of toilet paper, because I don’t think I’d ever be finished wiping poo out of my pants if I lived through this experience.
Also, United, please get your shit together before something actually bad happens. My word.