While no one has ever accused Jon Snow of being a master tactician, the King in the North’s latest foray north of The Wall may be his dumbest move yet. With that in mind, we take a look at six ideas that are certainly better than Jon & Daenerys (AKA soon-to-be relationship goals) current scheme.
6. Bring the survivors of Hardhome to King’s Landing.
Despite the fact that we are now approaching the final season of Game Of Thrones, we’ve only seen the White Walkers in action a handful of times, the most notable of which came during season 5’s “Hardhome.”
More of an evacuation than a battle, “Hardhome”, one of the series’ most electric episodes, saw Jon, Tormund, and a gang of Wildlings flee Hardhome from the incoming White Walker horde. Now, while there weren’t many survivors, there were certainly a couple of boats worth, which should be more than enough to convince Cersei of the reality of the coming winter.
5. Murder Cersei & taking all of her troops anyway.
While not the most diplomatic option, it seems to be the simplest. As Harvey Dent once said, when their enemies were at the gates, the Romans would suspend democracy and appoint one man to protect the city. The Romans — who were quite big on democracy — knew that at certain times of peril, what’s right and what’s wrong needed to be replaced with what’s necessary. This is one of those times of peril.
4. Jon asking Dany for a ride on that sweet ass dragon of hers.
In an episode full of reminders of just how superior George R.R. Martin’s writing is, this moment stuck out the most to me. While deliberating their plans, why Jon (who is WELL aware of how effective dragon fire is against wights) didn’t just ask Daenerys for an ancient beast-based escort is beyond me.
You know, something along the lines of: “Excuse me, my Queen, but those dragons are bigger, faster, and stronger than literally everything else on Earth and also can breathe the one thing that eliminates these ice zombies. You think it’d be cool if a copped a ride so we can just swoop in, snag one of these fuckers and head straight to King’s Landing?”
Actually … I’ll tell you why: because the writers want to have Dany save Jon’s ass from north of The Wall later in the season. Mark my words: just when all hope seems lost, Dany is going to swoop in with her dragons to save Jon, however, one of the dragons will die in the process.
3. Send Tormund & the Wildings north of The Wall without Jon Snow.
The Wildlings owe Jon their life, so you would assume him asking for a little search and seizure mission back on their native lands wouldn’t be too much of a stretch.
2. Jon & Dany just lock themselves in a cave and fuck till the world ends.
This is my personal vote. After all, you know what they say: when the going gets tough, find the baddest bitch in the realm and fuck like rabbits till the apocalypse.
1. WHO GIVES A SHIT?!
People, we’re getting Jon, Tormund, Jorah, Beric, Thoros, The Hound and Gendry suicide squading their way to a face off with the Night King — who gives a shit how they get there? Remember that all of this is means to an end. Is Jon’s plan to go north of The Wall to capture a hostage wight to bring it down to King’s Landing to convince the infamously insane brother-fucking Cersei to hop off her bullshit? Of course. But is this preposterous plan going to produce an episode as grand as the Battle of the Bastards and as heartbreaking as The Red Wedding, resulting in one of the series’ best episodes? Double of course.
Bonus Ranking — Who Is Most Likely To Die This Week:
7. Jon Snow (definitely not dying)
6. The Hound (likely to survive)
5. Gendry (may survive)
4. Jorah (50/50)
3. Tormund (would bet money on him dying)
2. Thoros (definitely dead)
1. Beric (1000% dead)