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WWE
Goldberg returns to the bright lights of Monday Night Raw to confront “The Beast Incarnate” Brock Lesnar. Let that sink in for a moment. This will be an absolutely epic encounter, and I’m being completely modest here. Goldberg will return to prime-time cable television and will potentially tangle with “The Night Mayor of Suplex City” BROCK LESNAR! I bet most of you heard that last part in Paul Heyman’s voice. If you need a reminder on how Heyman sounds, I’ll throw up a video. But really, I just wanted an excuse to include a video of the former ECW Chairman, at times, screaming Lesnar’s name. This video proves why Heyman is the ultimate hype-man:
WWE Monday Night Raw Results
You can even watch the entire show right here by clicking on the video above.
Intro segment: Mick Foley starts the show off. Kevin Owens and Y2J come down to the ring and start spouting off at the mouth. They are dismayed by Foley’s treatment of both of them. Y2J is hilarious with his “sexy pinata” line. Mick wants to put Y2J in the “cage of Jericho” and lock him in, maaaannnnn. He is referring to the WWE Universal Championship match at the Royal Rumble, where Chris Jericho will be suspended above the ring in a shark tank during the match.
Breaking News: Mick Foley announces the first episode of The Kevin Owens Show will premiere tonight on Raw. The first guest of The Kevin Owens Show is Goldberg. And then, Stephanie McMahon’s music hits and she joins this frenzied and hilarious segment. She announces Roman Reigns will defend the United States Championship against Roman Reigns. If Reigns is disqualified or counted out, he will lose his championship. “There has to be a winner,” says Stephanie. The loser between Owens vs. Rollins will be banned from ringside in the U.S. title match.
Titus O’Neil vs. Xavier Woods
The New Day came out to play out some more of their magic. But Titus O’Neil interrupts and picks his hands on Francesca II and Dr. Woods. Now, we gotta fight on our hands…
Titus O’Neil appeared to be in control early on. He was so dominant against Woods that my brother Danny said “what is this going to be a squash match?” Seriously though, how could Titus squash Woods. Not gonna happen. Woods is a resourceful guy. He went UpUpDwnDwn all over Titus, and won with a roll-up. The New Day comes off on top once again, baybeeeeeee!
Xavier Woods defeats Titus O’Neil
Post-match segments: Stephanie McMahon says that Bailey doesn’t have what it takes, but obviously Bayley disagrees. Now, she has a match with Nia Jax. Then we go backstage with the crusierweights with. Noam Dar calls Cedric Alexander’s girlfriend (Alicia Fox) “sweet cheeks” and then scampers off. Dar really booked it.
Jack Gallagher and The New Day – Plus The Gentlemen Duel Recap
We get another hilarious dose of The New Day added with the comedy style of Jack Gallagher. But before that we get a recap of the hilarious segment that happen on WWE 205 Live, which you can watch every Tuesday at 10 p.m. EST on the WWE Network. You can then watch it anytime you want in the WWE Network archives.
Braun Strowman vs. Sami Zayn – Last Man Standing
We get a monster of a video package for Braun Strowman. This guy man even be more of a beast than Brock Lesnar. But tonight, he’ll lock horns with Sami Zayn. Good luck, Sami!
When we get back from commercial. We see another video package, but this time it’s to hype Goldberg’s return tonight. That video looks great (yuge). Then Sami Zayn’s music hits and he makes his way down the to the ring. He looks on with trepidation as Braun Stowman’s music hits and he walks down to the ring.
Early on in the match, Zayn surprises me by bringing out a kendo stick and slowing down the monster. But Strowman is too strong and has Zayn flying. When they leave the ring, Zayn surprises Strowman once again with kendo stick. Braun is too strong and knocks down Sami. But Sami has a lot of heart and takes the fight to Braun. And then he mid-air, Strowman stops Zayn with a hard punch, which knocks him down to a count of six. But almost immediately, Braun crushes Sami again. Sami looks out of it and crawls out of the ring. Now, it’s commercial break (we got bees and Wendys lol).
We’re back from commercial and Braun is beating Zayn’s ass. He throws him off the entrance ramp, bangs his head into the announcer’s table, oh lawd! But Sami won’t stay down. Sami picks up a led pipe and f*cks up Strowman. But Braun fights back and tosses Sami like a rag doll, and almost takes off his head with a suitcase. But that tough little guy Sami Zayn has a lot of fight in him. He’s now kicking ass with a steal chair. But Braun is just too much. Eventually, the big man gets the upper hand and rams Sami’s head into the titan-tron. But Sami gets that damn chair back in his hands and starts swinging like a madman. Sami runs and does a diving cross-body to Braun and knocks the big man off the stage onto a table. They both beat the count. And Sami’s got that steel chair again, swinging away at Braun.
But Braun has had enough. He picks Sami up by that steel chair and demolishes the dude. A running power-slam gets Sami down for a close nine count. But Strowman is relentless and knocks him back down with a flurry of knees to the chest. Now, Strowman is wailing away, punching Sami in the head. Strowman interrupts the count of eight to do another devastating power-slam. Sami is out. Here comes the stretcher! Mick Foley is coming down with the paramedics.
Braun Strowman defeats Sami Zayn
Post match update: Braun flips over Sami in his stretcher, and slams him into the barricade. “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” Strowman screams.
Cesaro vs. Karl Anderson
Sheamus joins the commentator’s table, while Luke Gallows joins Karl Anderson by ringside. Cesaro and Anderson lock up it up early on. Cesaro knocks down Karl and takes the lead, but Anderson is no punk. He pushes Cesaro into the rings, knocks him down, flips him over with a monkey flip and a deep arm drag. But it wouldn’t be long until Cesaro takes back the lead with an uppercut. Karl tries to ram Cesaro’s head into the turnbuckle, but Cesaro turns the tables and hits a neutralizer on Anderson. 1, 2, kick out. Cesaro uppercuts the back of Anderson’s neck, and pinned him and another two count. Anderson rallies back and surprises Cesaro, and soon the Swiss Superman is lying on his ass outside the ring via a big boot from Karl Anderson.
We are back live and Anderson has Cesaro in a headlock. But the Swiss Superman quickly turns this around into a superplex. He hits two uppercuts, but misses the third one. Anderson capitalizes with a big kick. Pins Cesaro: 1,2, kick-out. But Anderson is not letting up on Cesaro, and is working the neck with a submission. But Cesaro rallies back, breaks free and hits an uppercut to the back of the neck. Cesaro is just hitting a fury of uppercuts to Karl in the corner. Too many to count.
Anderson whipped Cesaro into the corner. So, the guy scales the ropes and jumps at Anderson like a cat. But Cesaro gets distracted by Sheamus and Gallows. Anderson hits Cesaro with a spine buster. Cesaro strikes back with a springboard uppercut “like a cruise missile” – to quote Corey Graves. But Graves is fighting back hard with a flurry of offense, hitting Cesaro with a running knee. And Cesaro hits back with a drop kick to the face. Now, they’re back on the top rope. And Sheamus ends up hurting his partner because Gallows pushed him down. Cesaro lands on his nuts. And Anderson capitalizes. He jumps off the turnbuckle and hits Cesaro with a neckbreaker.
Karl Anderson defeats Cesaro
Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins
This is a very high impact match-up. The action spilled outside the ring a lot. Owens was putting up a hard fight, but Seth Rollins seemed to have the edge in this contest. Rollins was dominant, and Owens was a bit sloppy missing a cannonball splash onto Rollins and instead crashing into the barricade. The match ended when Owens hit Rollins with the ring bell.
Rollins defeats Owens by disqualification
WWE Monday Night Raw: Announced Matches
- Enzo & Cass vs. Rusev & Jinder Mahal
- Braun Strowman vs. Sami Zayn (Last Man Standing Match)
- WWE United States Championship match: Roman Reigns (c) vs. Chris Jericho
- Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins (loser of this match is banned from ringside in the Reigns vs. Y2J match)
- Karl Anderson vs. Cesaro
- Xavier Woods vs. Titus O’Neil
WWE Monday Night Raw Preview
On tonight’s episode of Raw, we’ll get another glimpse of Braun Strowman’s path of destruction. He’s a beast much-like Lesnar, but without any loud mouth backing him up on the mic. He lets his brute strength do all the talking. Braun is hungry for competition. And he will look to devour “The Underdog of the Underground” Sami Zayn in a Last Man Standing match that is sure to be devastating. On the lighter side of things, we’ll also get a match between the hilarious Enzo & Cass vs. the makeshift tandem of Rusev and Jinder Mahal. How you doin’?
Kevin Owens is the top champion of WWE’s Raw brand. He yells at the audience
What hi-jinks will Kevin Owens and his best friend “Y2J” Chris Jericho get into this time? What other names will make it on The List by the end of the night? Will it be you? And what do the former Shield brethren Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns have up their sleeves for the new year? And what about “the queen” herself: Charlotte Flair? How will she ring in the new year as Raw‘s resident matriarch? Can Bayley vanquish the Queen? And will Emmalina finally make him long-awaited debut?
And heeeeey, what about The New Day? They’ll be here too! And the crusierweights will be live and in action: you’ll see stars like Rich Swann, Brian Kendrick, Neville, and “The Extraordinary Gentleman” Jack Gallagher tear down the house. And for you swingers out there, we got the WWE Raw Tag Team Champions in the house! Cesaro & Sheamus will have to fend off The New Day in the new year.
Monday Night Raw will be live from the Amalie Arena in Tampa, Florida. Stick around to find out all the results from tonight’s event. Meanwhile, here’s a video of Goldberg’s best spears to get you hyped for tonight:
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